hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
