I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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