what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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