That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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