I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
