im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
