Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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