1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
