so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if i died would you start the facebook group?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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