I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
