i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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