I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Randomize
