After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
