And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
