Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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