she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
