I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
