I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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