You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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