I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
