What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
