I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
