This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Randomize
