I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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