every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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