When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
