is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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