Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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