My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
