So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
