I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
