she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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