He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
