suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
