i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
