Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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