Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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