remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
