we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
