I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just high enough for therapy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
