you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
