My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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