When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
