Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
two words...techno handjob
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
