Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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