Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
