my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
