and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
