we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
