getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
