and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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