How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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